Life as a queen in a land of many kings…

A fresh start!

on February 14, 2012

Yesterday I was in one of those moods.  There wasn’t really anything wrong, and yet I felt like I was at odds with the world.  For one, the Cleaning Fairy forgot to visit my house this weekend.  I was really, really depending on her, so you can imagine how let down I felt when she didn’t come.  I had had this great idea that in addition to my regular weekly chores, I’d make a list of special, less-frequent chores (wiping down the kitchen cabinets, cleaning the oven, dusting the baseboard trim) and aim to accomplish one a week so that little by little, the whole house would be cleaned on a regular basis without any huge efforts or whole-day cleaning frenzies.  As it turns out, I didn’t even find the time to do my weekly chore of vacuuming let alone begin to tackle the list.

That’s what started it.  Then I looked around the house and only felt more infuriated.  How, if I just picked up the house yesterday, does it need picked up again?  Why is there pee on that part of the toilet?  For that matter, why is there pee on any part of the toilet other than in the toilet bowl?!  And who keeps getting toothpaste residue all over the bathroom sink…and the bathroom mirror???  AH!  Surely, I decided, I make only 10% of the messes at home but clean up 90% of them.  It just didn’t seem right.

I fumed over this throughout my work day while also contemplating Westin’s newly-erratic sleep schedule.  I thought through all the reasons he might be waking up more frequently–teething, hunger, just wants mommy.  I was frustrated.  Not frustrated with him, but frustrated that my sleep was more interrupted than usual.  Most of all, I was frustrated that my baby was waking up in need of something and I didn’t know what it was.

Then I picked Westin up from daycare and had the heart-wrenching realization that daycare just isn’t a substitute for mommy.  This is nothing new, but in my already-sensitive state, it hit me that there are times throughout his day when he just wants some extra snuggles from me and I’m not there to give them to him.  I am absolutely confident he is receiving good care.  He’s in a small, home daycare setting.  He smiles when I drop him off and he smiles when I pick him up.  I’ve never doubted that his every need is being met.  His every need except for mommy…

We went home and I held him and cried.  He smiled at me, and I cried some more!  But then, a little bit of that grumble, grumble feeling lifted.  For once, I did not take my bad mood out on Matt.  The evening passed by too quickly, and though it felt like I’d never have the chance to get my shower and prep Westin’s bottles for the next day, I managed to get everything done and still get to bed at the usual time.  And Westin, the dear boy, only woke up once last night, which is the norm.

Sometimes a good cry and a good night’s sleep can fix everything.  I’m still not sure about “the list,” but today I’m starting fresh, new, and happy.  I can’t wait to get home to my three Valentines!  I’m feeling thankful for all my loved ones this Valentine’s Day and thankful that I’ve outgrown the single, 17-year-old April who wore a homemade “LOVE SUCKS” tee on this once-dreaded holiday.  Love makes the world go ’round–let’s give it a little spin!


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